Now that I can walk, where do I go?

I can finally walk now, after two months of pain and a forced sedentary life. Now that I can walk, where do I go?

For a traveler, a doctor’s order to stay off one’s feet is a mild form of imprisonment. Despite my podiatric paralysis, I did go to the Persian Gulf for two weeks and to St Louis, Missouri for five days — both trips were uncomfortable because I couldn’t walk much or was in deep pain. In Qatar, I wanted to walk around, even though I stood out like a sore thumb because I was a white uncovered woman, but I couldn’t go on any aimless strolls. My feet didn’t let me. I was abroad, but couldn’t really discover the place on my own.

Even at home in California, I stayed away from visiting friends in San Francisco because I wasn’t able to walk much and would thus be in pain walking from the train station to the bus stop or from my car to a cafe. So, I stayed home.

I am now at my friend’s farm in Yolo County, near Davis. Yesterday, I tested out my foot and went for an hour walk around the farm and greatly enjoyed the scenery and walk and finally felt like I could go somewhere on my own.

Being unable to walk normally for two months has not only meant that I’ve gained weight it also means I’ve had to do a lot more things indoors. Cold, rain and being indoors. Oh how exciting! I’ve also been working a lot in the past two months on the Doha Book Fair and my book contest. I was working so much that sometimes I felt like I was even working in my sleep. Here on the farm, I’ve slept 10-12 hours a night. I had no idea how exhausted I was.

My feet can now set me free, but I see no trajectory before me. The field is clear for me to chart my own path. But I don’t know where to walk.

But I feel neither the enthusiasm nor an internal sense of navigation leading me to my next steps. The books are soon to be done. The contest will be over in a month. Eventually, I’ll edit the memoir. I don’t have the energy nor the clarity of mind to do it now. I think it will take a month or two of serious editing to get it ready. I don’t see myself touching the memoir manuscript until May or June.

What I do know is that I feel like some changes to my life will manifest soon. I don’t see myself living at my parents’ house for too much longer, but I also don’t know where I want to live. I feel like I do want to be in a long term romantic relationship. I am clearer now about what I want in a man. Am I going to go on Match.com? No, it’s not my style. I’ll meet him when it’s the right time. Professionally, I am confident things will go well. Do I know exactly how I will make money selling my books and giving presentations on foreign language education? No, but I don’t need to. I’ll figure it out and I am sure I will create an income stream that allows me to be mobile and work casual hours (less than 40 a week).

I feel somewhat lethargic, unenthusiastic about returning home tomorrow and going back to substitute teaching this week. I have some marketing work still left to do for the book contest and I need to write a proposal for the American School of Doha about a presentation that I will make teaching how to use music to learn foreign languages. Sooner or later, I need to come up with a presentation that I can sell to other places.

I do want to get in shape and lose the weight I’ve gained since I became home ridden. I do know that my heart is pulling me to return to Southeast Asia soon. The longer I wait to go, the hotter it is there. I am also feeling more and more that I don’t want to travel alone. But I think SE Asia is an easy place to meet other young low budget travelers and travel with them.

Despite a general direction of where I am going, I feel tired, lazy, drained, or maybe just too relaxed to want to do anything. Maybe I should just take everything slowly. I have been in fast mode for way too long and that’s what got me in trouble with my feet. They can’t keep up with my mind.

Vai avanti ragazza, pero piano, piano! (Go forward young lady, but slowly, slowly.)

I think I should read the tortoise and hare story. It’s about taking the slow route, right?
(Written on Feb 21st. I lost my Internet connection in the middle of nowhere and couldn’t post.)